Sunday, June 29, 2008

Serzh Sargsyan: Middle managers gone Wild!

[Update: This is a heavily revised and expanded version of what was originally a paragraph-long insult. I felt that, since I took the time to subject Sargsyan's image to my own, personal, conceptual Abu-Ghraib, I should take the time to explain why I did it. In the course of working out my thoughts about Sargsyan, I came to feel the same pity for him that he professes feeling for people who don't like him. If I were to describe concisely what the following is about, I would say it is a chronicle of that journey from contempt, toward contempt and pity, or maybe like an empathetic revulsion evinced from witnessing the death throes of a foot-long, three-eyed, yellow maggot-centipede.]

Sargsyan must be on some kind of medication. It's not so much that he would attempt to deceive people with interviews conducted by visibly terrorized reporters asking other people's questions; that's bad enough in itself, but predictable when it comes to would-be dictators; what is truly noteworthy about Sargsyan, on account of its being a sign of some kind of mild retardation, is that he evidently believes his lies are convincing. He's like a tone-deaf singer who thinks he's Frank Sinatra. His contemptible giggle at the question, "Are you Kocharian's plaything?" is as revealing as his final answer: "I don't really understand the point of that question"; in other words, he is so not Kocharian's plaything, that that logical step that any observer would take doesn't even occur to him. The elephant in the room is practically sitting on him, and Svengali Serzh thinks asking "Elephant? What elephant?" will magnetically pull the right thought into the people's focus and give free reign to his virtuoso fingers to play with them as he wishes.

But sitting in that chair whose back-side rises above his head makes him look like a little kid, an impression that is reinforced by his chubby cheeks. And this is no coincidence; it's one of those utterly strange, but not uncommon, cases where despite a host of bald-faced lies told in an interview, the liars body language and the attending circumstances clearly tell the truth. Just like the "Leader of the Free World" was caught cleaning his water glass on the jacket-tip of an interview attendent, Sargsyan literally looks like a child faithfully carrying out the instructions of Father Putin.

Corporate Stalinism produces incompetents in Russia just like it does in the West. This is a topic for another time, but it is worth noting that these "Presidents" are horrifying, not because they project power, but because, upon their election, one realizes with utter alarm that, in order for them to have gotten elected, so many important things must have gone wrong that it must mean that the system, as bad as it was, is now broken, really broken, and that even that noblesse oblige is gone--because the nobles are gone--and in their place are bureaucrats, middle managers, and accountants that have finally stumbled upon the loophole they've always dreamt about, which they will now proceed to exploit with regard to absolutely nothing.

They look like sophisticated versions of department store managers because they are sophisticated versions of department store managers.

Another salient characteristic of the interview, for example, is Sargsyan's slow (and rather dull) speech. Stately speeches are made with pauses, so he can ascribe some of his perpetual halting way of speaking to that, but, unfortunately for him, it is obvious that far beyond a stylistic choice, his having to concentrate on what he is saying is the result of two things: one, remembering the answers that he has memorized and, two, translating them from Russian to Armenian before opening his mouth. That motionless lower jaw that is characteristic of people who are primarily Russian speakers is ubiquitous throughout the interview for that reason--he's thinking in Russian.

And he keeps repeating the idea that he is "pained" by this or that, by people who hate his guts, by the events of March 1st, and so on and so forth. We're supposed to believe that this Gollum with his precious ring suffers bouts of morally infused regret about the imperfection of man, that the pathos erupts from the depths of his being when he witnesses hundreds of thousands of people calling him what he is--midget murderer--that the emotion washes over him, and at the end of it all you can find him nightly dropping to his knees, begging Our Heavenly Father to forgive his critics because they know not what they do. As the pictures show, however, his complete lack of real affect, absent to the degree that he could join a colony of androids without any of them noticing, belies the fact that the KGB has pulled the soul straight out of his body like a dentist extracts a tooth, leaving only a gaping hole.

Woe is you, Sargsyan, you pathetic little man. You're too honest to lie well, and too corrupt to tell the truth. Consequently, every day you wake up to the same terrible realization: Today, once again, someone will call you "President," and you will feel sorry for them, first, and then immediately feel far sorrier for you. Sad, sad little man.


Ani said...

The matching computers was a nice touch. Did Sony pay for product placement for this video, or did the reporters all win a free computer just for showing up?

Ani said...

Just read your updated version, coincidentally after reading an interview with Buddhist scholar Robert Thurman (aka Uma’s dad)—maybe you are becoming a Buddhist!

>Int: What do you think about when you meditate?
RT: Usually, some form of trying to excavate any kind of negative thing cycling in the mind and turn it toward the positive. For example, when I am annoyed with Dick Cheney, I meditate on how Dick Cheney was my mother in a previous life and nursed me at his breast.

Int: You mean you fantasize about being breast-fed by Dick Cheney?
RT: It’s a fantasy of releasing fear and developing affection. It’s a way of coming back to feeling grateful toward him and seeing his positive side, finding the mother in Dick Cheney.<

(Good luck with this mental imagery!!)

Regarding GWB, here’s the relevant video, actually he was cleaning his eyeglasses off (the ones you never see him wearing):

Unfortunately, Serzh doesn’t even rise to Bush’s level, who is at least unpredictable. He’s more of a Warren G. Harding (the G stands for gambling, no?) And he is an insult to the color grey. Just think, 10 years of this guy? I don’t think so…

azat said...

I get the impression that everybody in that room have loaded their tushbags even before the filming started.
They are terrorised not to say a single wrong word.
One (I believe it is the ChUzogh) even represents the whole he is in fear for misspelling Serzh's name on the lable (the site was:

Garen said...

Hi, I bumped into this post through the blog-aggregator on

Speaking of middle-management, you should check out this whitewash

I think this wikipedia page needs some review and "correction"...

Haik said...

Please publish and distribute

Thank you


Ani said...

Azat, thanks for confirming that the first "interviewer" is Uzogh, who produced and perhaps wrote Sargsyan's fake blog, which hasn't been updated since March 26. He also produced the anti-semitic Youtube video that Nazarian discussed recently on his blog (

Even odder, though, is interviewer no. 3, who "represents" Not only would it be ridiculous to have your website manager interview you in this situation, but I've tried all week, and the website doesn't even seem to exist!

Armen, since you are now a Wiki guru, maybe you can add some new quotes to the Wikiquote entry
Serzh_Sargsyan . Somehow I think someone may have said something about him that wasn't totally adulatory?? ("special leader" indeed...)

Azat said...

I am not sure if it is Uzogh. My assumtion is based on the fact that that blog was created by Chuzogh and therefore it should have been him who was acting on behalf of it.

nazarian said...

The dude with LiveJournal label is Uzogh. The other dude with Serzhsagsyan label is Avet Berberyan.

Ani said...

Thanks for the info, Nazarian.

Here is the whois information for the website. Interesting that it hasn't been modified since last December. Someone hasn't been working very hard.

Whois Search Results
Domain Name :
Registrar: arminco
Status: active
Mikayel Minasyan
Sayat-Nova 19
Yerevan, 0010
Administrative contact:
Technical contact:
Registered: 2007-09-03
Last modified: 2007-12-14
Expires: 2009-09-03

Aramazd said...

Mikayel Minasyan, aka Mishik Minasyan himself registered the website?!!! AMAZING!!!!

Ani said...

Found something "remarkable" regarding the Wikiquotes for SS as well. Here's the link for the person who apparently has entirely created this entry--apparently he has somehow found SS an inspiration (???!!!):


I have the same user name on wikipedia, Zarbon. I am a resident of New York. At the time being, I am 23 years old. I have a forum which you can join called Frieza Force. Anyone interested in villains and their henchmen will most definitely love this forum. The concentration of my forum is Frieza and his awesome henchmen as well as many other villains from other shows, and numerous character profiles.

My favorite characters consist entirely of villains and victims. Zarbon is my ultimate favorite character of all time from Dragonball Z, and from everything else in the universe for that matter. My favorite character from The Sopranos is and always will be Brendan Filone. He was a major character in the first season of The Sopranos. Other alltime favorites included are from Oz, The Shield and various other shows. Ronald Barlog is my favorite character from Oz and Margos Dezerian is my favorite character from The Shield. I do indeed have a long list of favorite characters.

antifa said...

who is Mikayel/Misha Minasyan?

Armen Filadelfiatsi said...

Ani, thanks for all of that good info. This Zarbon guy is indeed a peculiar character. On the one hand, he lives in the world of anime and cartoons, and on the other hand he is apparently equally obsessed with Stalinists and fascists, German, Italian, and Japanase.

He seems to look at the world with the eyes of a child that see only "villains" and victims, just as he says. The history of World War II is apparently a movie to him and the various generals, propagandists, and ministers involved are nothing but archetypal characters in a grand animated epic. Accordingly, the quotes that he tends to pick are exactly the kind of unconditional, two dimensional, absolute statements that cartoon characters make: "I will destroy you!" or "The Polish Army has fallen and is but dust beneath our feet!" or "Germany shall rise above all!"

And, of course, WWII German generals' propaganda slogans are perfect for connoisseurs of this kind of language, collectors, which is what Zarbon seems to be. The enormous number of quotes he's collected from about 150 (mostly) fascists and Stalinists suggests a fetish of sorts. His tendency to make lists and the methodical way that he goes about collecting quotes are likewis a little peculiar.

If he collects any physical objects, I'm certain that he arranges them in a certain, meticulous order. But who could blame the poor guy? Stalked by cherubs and assailed from all sides by hormones, he has gone a little bit insane in order to keep from going completely insane.

All males go through this at some point. When I was a kid, for example, I had a crush on this girl in my class named Larissa. I dealt with it by making these meticulous and detailed tables about the planets in our solar system, recording their size, atmospheric pressure, temperature, and so on. I also created my own language, complete with an alphabet and a dictionary. And, of course, much of what I would write in my language had to do with Larissa. Then, when Larissa left and I fell in love with Liza, I began painstakingly carving her name out of bars of soap. It's sublimation.

Zarbon is a probably an innocent, a nerdy guy whose preoccupation right now is with extending his lists as far as possible, likely using his university's search engines and databases. Serzh Sargsyan is to him what baseball players are to collectors of baseball cards.

Should he find a Levonakan girlfriend, though,...

Ani said...

Hope you're right, Armen! Keeping him occupied seems like a good idea--we've seen too many movies about guys with this profile, and I'd hate to think he was practicing "Are you talkin' to me?" in the mirror...